Gle.e

I'm in the middle of the storm, not much to say. Beta is the same day as home study, I think... Awesome. I can't wrap my head around this "last attempt" thing. I chose a river in egypt for 1000, please.

So do any of you watch Gle.e? Fucking love that show. Hiliarious.

Crazy fake pregnant lady and pregnant teenage girl included.

Last week (not last night, no spoilers please, I need to watch it still). They sang my song. The song that stuck with me during those days after Nov 7th two years ago, when I was having trouble catching my breath, probably due to moderately bad anemia from all the shit my body was struggling with.

No Air. (losing you was like living in a world with no air...)

Since then I have been in this significant song cycle. On the radio, in stores, everywhere. Songs from that time mostly, with a few others creeping in. I heard one the other day that launched me right back to the old me.

16 years old, driving my truck around, not wanting to go home because I couldn't stop crying. My life as I knew it was over. My boyfriend had told me he "got together" with my friend during his prom. My mom hadn't let me go to the prom with him because I was "too young" so he took my friend. I was pissed at my mom, but it was OK, he was taking MY FRIEND. A week later he tells me they ended up as more than friends that night. I was a sobbing, crying mess, listening and singing loudly with the pained voice of Sinea.d (don't judge me, I loved her stuff). My eyes were swollen for days. I was there, in that blue truck, driving around, stopping at Ace Hard.ware (cuz Ace is the place with the helpful hardware man...). Why the fuck did I need to go there? No idea. A guy I knew was working the cash register. He asked me if I was ok. I said yes, full of shame, grabbed my bag and left. We are now friends on FB. But the guy and the friend? Fuck them both.

I remembered those hardcore "my life is over" feelings listening to that song like I was 16 again. That poor girl, she really had no idea what pain was. And you know, that's ok.